


It's So Crazy It Might Just Work

by Todesengel



Category: Voltron: Lion Voltron
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-02
Updated: 2004-04-02
Packaged: 2017-10-23 03:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Todesengel/pseuds/Todesengel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What the world really needs is more nakedness</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's So Crazy It Might Just Work

In the aftermath of the Incident, nobody could clearly say who came up with the idea in the first place. Lance claimed that it was Hunk, while Hunk _insisted_ that Sven was the evil genius behind the Incident. Sven, however, claimed that the fault lay squarely with Pidge who’d watched too many Bond flicks and wanted to play Secret Agent Man. Unfortunately, while Pidge was quite good at the liberating of top-secret files and the seduction of Bond Girls (well, maybe not real life Bond Girls, but Lance in drag was a close enough substitute for everybody) he could _not_ hold his Martinis. And a drunken Pidge was a chatty Pidge and Chatty!Pidge’s favorite topic tended to be his sex life--or lack thereof.

Sven, being the evil mastermind of the piece, decided that giving ‘Mr. Bond’ a little present that would take care of that particular problem would be perfectly in character; a willing (or at least physically present) bed partner would nicely distract Pidge from Sven’s plans for domination of the plasma T.V. Hunk had nodded and said ‘yes sir’ a lot during Sven’s megalomaniac speech. Then he went out and kidnapped Keith, left him in trussed up and gagged in Pidge’s next to the snoring secret agent room and destroyed the locking mechanism behind him. He might not have understood the grand battle for the T.V. but he understood promises of excessive amounts of sex and bribes of pizza and beer quite well. Plus he’d had the foresight to put a hidden camera in everybody’s rooms--being omniscient was hard work.

When Pidge woke up the next morning, it was with a killer headache and the unfamiliar sensation of being watched. When he carefully pried his eyes open and saw Keith staring at him with slow, cold anger in the back of his eyes, Pidge was pretty sure that he was going to get a lecture on duty and responsibility.

Only the seconds ticked by and Keith did nothing but stare. That wasn’t good. Pidge wanted to swallow but his tongue felt like it was six times too big for his mouth and his throat was dry and scratchy from fear. It took his alcohol-fogged brain another minute to realize that the reason Keith wasn’t saying anything was because he was gagged. And he had a red bow on the top of his head. And a rather suggestive note stuck to his ass.

If Pidge hadn’t been so sure Keith would’ve skinned him alive and fed his nuts to the Space Mice he would have laughed. Instead he untied Keith and read him Hunk’s note, glossing over the bit where Hunk suggested alternative uses for a variety of common household items.

He expected Keith to yell. He didn’t expect Keith to sit quietly on the edge of the bed and glare at the door as if he were Superman and with enough eye contact he could burn through the metal panel with his laser eyes. Then Pidge wondered if it was Superman that had the laser-eyes power thingy and not some other superhero from his childhood.

If he were McGuyver he’d be able to break them both out of here with a toothpick and a pair of tweezers. Of course he doubted that he’d be feeling less hungover than the average post-bender sufferer if he’d been McGuyver. God bless Baltonian physiology.

“Keith,” Pidge said at last, “what are you doing?”

“I’m sending death threats with my mind.”

“Uh huh.” Pidge wondered if maybe Hunk had doped Keith and this crazy talk was merely a side effect and not any sort of indication of a more serious problem. “Why?”

“Because at some point they’re going to have to come here and when I kill them I don’t want anybody to say I didn’t give them ample warning.”

“Ah.”

The scary thing was that it actually made some sort of twisted sense.

Pidge stared at Keith glaring at the door for a little while longer and let his mind slowly deal with Hunk’s suggestions. He was beginning to think that this was more for Keith’s benefit than his. Keith desperately needed a good shag. And if Keith protested too much, well, Pidge still had the rope and he was surprisingly strong. He was pretty sure he’d be able to hold Keith down long enough to kiss Keith into submission.

The more Pidge thought about it, actually, the more Pidge liked his plan. He’d get sex and Keith would, hopefully, loosen up a bit and nobody had to die. Besides, there wasn’t really much else for him to do.

So Pidge leaned in, grabbed Keith by the collar of his uniform and planted a kiss squarely on Keith’s lips. Keith pulled away in surprise and then pulled further away as Pidge began to casually undress. He blushed and pretended he wasn’t.

“Pidge, put your clothes back on,” he said in his ‘Reasonable’ voice.

“But it’s easier to shag if you’re naked,” Pidge said.

“There will be no shagging, Pidge.” Keith turned back to the door. The door was safe. “I’m too busy sending mental death threats.”

“You know what the world needs?” Pidge pulled Keith around and straddled him. He kissed Keith again and smiled when Keith leaned in a little. “Less death threats.”

“So what does the world need more of, then?”

“Nakedness.” Pidge ran his fingers down Keith’s chest, looking for the hidden zipper that would release Keith from the awful red flight suit. He glared at Keith. “Are you going to help me make the world a better place or not?”

Keith began to smile, and that was a good thing. “My being naked is going to make the world a better place?”

“Well, no, not directly. But your being naked would mean we could proceed directly to mind-blowing sex and _that_ would make the world a better place.” Pidge put his hands on his hips and shook a finger at Keith in mock scolding. “You’re a champion. I’d have thought that you’d jump at the opportunity to better the world.”

“Well, when you give a reason like _that_ how could I possibly refuse?” Keith unzipped his flight suit and lifted Pidge up off his lap just enough to let it fall and pool around his ankles. He let Pidge pull his under shirt off and then fell backwards onto the bed, pulling Pidge down with him. He kissed Pidge, long and slow and gentle and tried to work his boxers off without breaking their contact. Pidge solved the problem by reaching into the fly of Keith’s boxers and proving that being a computer nerd had done marvelous things for his dexterity. Keith moaned and gasped and muttered inarticulate words that may have been normal sex talk but it might also have been Keith’s elevation of Pidge to deity-status. His fingers gripped the sheets and then Pidges hair when Pidge’s mouth replaced his hands. He arched up off the mattress as he came, growling and wild, hips jerking upward in want.

Pidge swallowed, smiled, crawled up Keith’s body.

“See,” he said as he kissed Keith. “Nakedness leads to world betterment.”

“So I’ve come to understand.” Keith reached between their bodies and casually stroked Pidge’s erection. “I guess this means we should consider a way to make Voltron fight naked.”

“What makes you think he wasn’t already?” Pidge’s voice was a little breathless and he squirmed in Keith’s grip.

“Remind me to send Coran a memo about that,” Keith said as he flicked his thumb lightly across Pidge’s nipple.

“Keith?”

“Yes?”

“Not mentioning Coran in the middle of sex? Also part of the whole world betterment thing.” Pidge nipped Keith’s shoulder and Keith smiled and shut up about Coran and naked Voltron.

And they had lots of sex and nobody died and Sven got lots of uninterrupted time with his Plasma T.V. and Hunk got the Bond Girl so just about everyone was happy, even if two-fifths of the Voltron Force couldn’t sit comfortably the next day . Which, Pidge said later when Hunk finally fixed the locking mechanism, only proved his point.

Keith didn’t really agree with him, but he got naked again, which Pidge took as tacit agreement. Or not. Pidge didn’t care, really, because Naked!Keith meant lots of sex.

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
